August 2, 2019

How To Be More Confident: 7+ Experts Share Incredibly Powerful Tips + Strategies To Boost Your Confidence

How To Be More Confident

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt

Eleanor Roosevelt Gain Strength Courage Confidence Quote

A sincere thanks to all the awesome experts who shared their best tips, insights and strategies on how to be more confident.

# Know yourself
Karla Downing

Confidence comes from knowing yourself well. Here are some suggestions to help you do that. 

Identify Your Personality.

This is the first thing you need to do to know yourself. If you haven’t taken one of the popular personality tests, it’s time you do. Meyers Briggs gives you a four-letter code such as ENFJ or ISTP. There are four opposing identifiers resulting in assignment of one of sixteen personality types.

Other tests identify you as having one of four temperaments: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy or Phlegmatic. A new currently popular personality test is the Enneagram which gives you nine distinct strategies for relating to the self, others, and the world. 

Each test gives you different information about yourself. It doesn’t matter which one or more you take. Reading the description of your personality helps you to make sense of why you do what you do and why you don’t do things the way other people do. Identifying your personality makes you confident by helping you know who you are and who you are not.

Capitalize on Your Strengths.

Your strengths are the things that help you succeed. They are also the strongest traits you have and the things that people will notice most about you. When you know what they are, you can figure out how to use them to benefit you in your career and relationships. They will help you figure out what job best suits you and what doesn’t suit you.

Knowing what you can’t do well is just as important as knowing what you can do well. Capitalizing on your strengths gives you confidence because you are utilizing the abilities that you naturally have.   

Strengthen Your Weaknesses.

Your weaknesses are the things that arise out of your strengths. If you are a natural leader, you may find yourself coming on too strong which may appear to be pushy and bossy. If you are a perfectionist, you may find yourself expecting others to meet up to your high standards and as a result be too critical.

When you recognize that your weaknesses come out of your character assets, they are easier to adjust as you simply find a comfortable balance. You don’t have to feel bad about your weaknesses when you recognize that they come from the things that define who you are and are being used to help you succeed. Strengthening your weaknesses makes you confident because you are using your assets more effectively. 

Discover Your Passions.

The perfect life is one that involves a pursuit of your passions. Your passions are those things that make you feel alive. Doing them energizes you. Passions come out of your talents and life experiences. They can help make sense of pain and brokenness which includes losses, regrets, and difficulties that you have gone through.

Pursuing your passion gives your life purpose and meaning. If your career doesn’t involve your passions, it is okay. You can still pursue them outside of your vocation.  Discovering your passions will make you confident by helping you feel aligned with your purpose.

So how do you become more confident?

Identify your personality. Capitalize on your strengths. Strengthen your weaknesses. And discover your passions.

Karla Downing, MFT – www.changemyrelationship.com 

# Practice emotional awareness
Isabel-Hundt

During my high school years, I was a “nobody”.

I was incredibly shy and I’d rather hide in the farthest corner of the room than voluntarily sit within eyesight of any teacher. I didn’t have much confidence in my own skills, let alone myself. The fear of making a fool of myself massively outweighed the need to be recognized or even acknowledged. Hiding was safe. Hiding made it so I didn’t have to deal with anyone or anything I didn’t feel comfortable with.

As someone who is highly sensitive, an Empath-Warrior™, I was dealing with a lot already, my emotions were scattered every which way. Confidence was not part of my vocabulary. 

When I attended college, things went downhill fast.

Because I didn’t really trust my own judgment or intuition, I studied what I thought would give me some “adult bonus points” – economics. I really wasn’t good at it, and that fact only fueled my lack of confidence. I was struggling hard most days to keep my head over water.

Emotionally I found myself on a never-ending roller coaster of ups and downs. I felt hopeless, helpless, and useless. For the most part I didn’t even know what I was feeling. I just knew that everything felt heavy. The crazier things got in my head, the more I withdrew from the world. 

I got dismissed from my studies after two years, which only served to destroy what fragment of confidence I had left

When we think of a person who is confident, we envision someone who is conscious of their inner power, rooted firmly in their trust in themselves. Well, 15 years later I understand fully what this means for myself. Today, I am confident in who I am and what I bring to this world. I have complete trust in my own intuition and how it’s guiding me through life. 

How did I get here?

After I was no longer allowed to study economics, I started over with my favorite subject, sociology. I know, I know. I should have started out with what I’ve loved in the first place, but I felt the need to rebel a bit and I guess that was my lesson for that particular stage of my life. 

Anyways, through my studies and many years of observation and connecting with people from all over the world, I noticed that the people who are genuinely confident have something in common: emotional awareness

Each one of them understands what their emotions are communicating to them, what their own personal stories and beliefs are that trigger certain situations. They are able to take responsibility for how they want to feel in the moment and work through their internal turmoil and challenges with confidence without loading it onto other people or blaming others for their circumstances in life. 

People who are disconnected from their emotional world tend to feel like their emotions are rolling over them like a tsunami that sucks their life away.

When we are busy trying to keep our heads above water and try to survive on a daily basis, we are always in survival mode. Someone who is always trying to stay internally safe and in control, defending every action, thought, and interaction isn’t trusting their surroundings, which is an indication of a lack of trust in oneself. If we don’t trust we are not aware of the power that flows through us. 

When we lack emotional awareness, we are much more influenced by outside forces.

Because we are not trusting of what we are feeling or how our emotions are trying to guide us, we are more easily manipulated because we look for outside influences that can guide us and make us feel better about ourselves. 

When we become familiar with what is going on inside of us, the thoughts that drive us and why, we experience a level of peace and clarity that keeps us focused on our own path without all the comparison.

When we engage in healing old trauma and understand the intuitive message our emotions are communicating with us, we can feel safe from within which leads to confidence that is not only noticeable to us, but also visible to others.

By increasing our emotional awareness, we react less to what we are feeling ourselves, but also what the person across from us is feeling. We instead take the time to reflect and then respond accordingly with the purpose of connection, not defense. 

Emotional self-awareness is the key to deeper and healthier relationships no matter where we are from, our cultural background or what language we speak.

Emotional awareness allows us to reflect on our own behavior, perceptions, beliefs, morals, and values before we react to any outside triggers that can escalate situations to the point of major disagreements. 

This type of awareness also provides a fundamental skill set required to support interpersonal engagement through compassion and empathy. It gives us the ability to recognize, use, and regulate our emotions in a healthy way, therefore we show up confident and with conviction.

Emotional awareness promotes curiosity and acceptance without detachment to expectations and belief systems.

It also supports open-mindedness and boosts our self-esteem, since we come to understand who we are at our core more clearly. Additionally, it creates a more resilient mindset by being able to handle outside influences in a more mature way. 

Emotional awareness is fundamental for anyone who wants to be more confident in life. It can only be achieved if we learn to self-regulate our emotions from an intuitive and intelligent inner self. 

Isabel Hundt, Coach and Author – www.isabelhundt.com

# Address myths that may have become internalized from the family of origin
Sally-Leboy

People who are confident will take more risks because they are less afraid of failure.  They feel good about themselves and take failure not as a statement about their worth but as a learning experience (which is what it is!).

Building confidence often involves addressing myths that may have become internalized from the family of origin

While most parents want their children to feel confident, they might not realize that they are critical communicators.   As children our parents are the primary and for a while the sole source of information about who we are. If your parents consistently indicate to you, even subtly, that you are letting them down, it will have a negative impact on your self-esteem. 

Peer groups also have a huge affect on how we see ourselves growing up and as we get older that impact usually overshadows the family of origin messages

If you’ve been unpopular or even bullied you will probably reach adulthood with a lack of belief in your own self-worth.  

If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s pretty hard to feel confident.  I believe that if your lack of self-confidence is based in any kind of childhood trauma you will benefit from therapy so that you can develop a better and more accurate sense of self.

Aside from therapy, I think it’s critical to be around positive people

I don’t mean people who are always happy or fail to see life’s problems. I mean people who are caring and supportive of you.  This means that even though you don’t always feel it, you remind yourself that you have value and are entitled to be treated well.  You need to get used to setting boundaries that don’t permit negative people to get close to you. You need to learn what your values so that you can avoid people who don’t respect them.

Lastly, I think it’s really important to push yourself to take reasonable risks

I’m not talking about jumping out of a plane; I mean taking a class about something you find interesting, learning a language, doing volunteer work or learning a sport.  Don’t let fear of failure get in the way of interesting experiences.

The most successful people, the people who have the confidence to succeed (as they define success) are the people who are focused on the experience, not the results

If you’re a terrible bowler but you love to bowl, bowl. If you love to dance but have two left feet, find a dance venue where you can just have a good time. You’re not here to meet anybody else’s expectations or to impress anyone.  This one life we have is about feeling entitled to live to the fullest (as you define it!).

Sally Leboy, MS, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com

# Cultivate unconditional self-acceptance
Marion Plessner Rodrigue

In my opinion, the surest way to gain self-confidence is to work on unconditional self-acceptance

By unconditional self-acceptance I mean that you accept yourself as you are, while respecting and appreciating yourself for the wonderful, yet flawed human being that you are.  

Unconditional self-acceptance does not mean resigning yourself to accepting all of your current situations or condoning all of your behaviors, rather it means accepting yourself with the goal of improving what you can.  

Cultivating mindfulness is also important and allows us to live with intention and an attitude on non-judgment toward ourselves and our current experiences.  It is only when we stop judging ourselves and being so hard on ourselves that we can become more self-confident.

Self-kindness is another crucial ingredient to becoming more self-confident

Our inner dialogue, or the way we talk to ourselves is often mean, critical and unforgiving. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to someone else.  

With others, we are typically compassionate, sympathetic and encouraging.  Again, the skill of mindfulness will help us to notice and observe our thoughts and change them to kinder, compassionate self-talk, the way we would talk to a friend. This takes time and practice. 

Self-kindness isn’t self-indulgence

We can still hold ourselves accountable.  As a matter of fact, research shows that self-kindness actually increases motivation to change, perhaps because it allows us to non-critically evaluate ourselves for areas of improvement and work on making changes without tearing one’s self down with harsh self-criticism.  

Individuals who practice self-kindness tend to be less likely to be consumed by thoughts of how bad things are going, which leads to better mental health and greater self-confidence.

To become more self-confident, it is important to remember that we are all simply human beings, fallible, imperfect and works in progress.

As psychologist Carl Rogers wrote: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Marion Plessner Rodrigue, MS, LMHC, NCC – www.groundworkcounseling.com

# Overcome self-sabotaging thoughts
Elizabeth-H.-Carr

Our development of self-image begins at a very young age.

We learn life lessons from different events and receive messages that we receive from the world around us about who we are, and how we are expected to interact with others. These messages from the world around us turn into the materials that construct the confidence we have in ourselves and our abilities.

What happens when the experiences we have are negative – relaying something unfavorable about ourselves? What happens when we receive this same message over and over?

Let’s break this down into a specific example.

At a young age, I’m picked last for the group activity, and my best friend decides that they no longer want to be my best friend. The message I receive from these experiences may be I’m a loser, No one likes me. I believe these messages to be true – these messages begin to influence my behavior. I stop talking to peers, I don’t participate in social activities, I become more isolated – all of which amplify the message I really AM a loser, no one likes me.

Like a plant, our feelings of self-worth and confidence need sunlight, food and water.

The sunlight, food and water in this metaphor are positive messages, encouraging words, love, kindness and often the most difficult – forgiveness for being fallible.

Everyday we feed our self-confidence messages about ourselves; consciously, subconsciously - the messages are flowing through our mind like the ticker on the bottom of the news channel. Often we’re completely unaware of these messages, which makes it impossible to be aware of how those message impact how we feel about ourselves. 

The first step in being able to feed your self-confidence positive messages and encouraging words is to be more mindful.

What type of messages are following through your mind? You cannot change something that you’re not aware is happening.

Begin to keep a short record of thoughts that you have about yourself. However you choose to do this (pen and paper, in a planner, on your phone) make sure it’s something that will be easily accessible to you at any time.

Next – examine those thoughts more closely and ask yourself a couple of questions:

- Is this thought based on actual facts? 

- Is this thought helpful? 

- Would I say this to someone who I loved?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, chances are this thought is harmful to your self-confidence. 

While it is helpful to work with someone, like a counselor, to learn more about where these thought’s stem from, what function they serve in your life and how they may be affecting your actions, there are a few ways to begin to stop these self-confidence sabotaging thoughts now:

- Develop a short mantra you can repeat in your mind when you notice a negative thought

- Begin each day with positivity; write a positive message on your bathroom mirror, the cover of your planner, on a sticky note in your car

- Surround yourself with positive people who will help build you up

- Replace a specific negative thought with a specific positive replacement thought

- Identify 1 activity that you feel confident about, and increase the amount of time you spend doing it

- Overall – give yourself love and kindness – you’d give that to someone else

Elizabeth H. Carr, LPC, NCC – www.resourcedmichigan.com

# Keep healthy boundaries
Kaarin A Hanzlian

“We need to know how far we’ll go, and how far we’ll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere” (Beattie, 1990, p. 79).

Lack of boundaries can slowly deteriorate our confidence. Keeping healthy boundaries in the face of criticism and fear can feel overwhelming and make us feel small.  

Roshi Joan Halifax thoughtfully stated:

All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine. In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence.

In other words, we develop a chip, if not a block on our shoulders. We can become complacent and in turn, our diminished confidence affects our personal and professional relationships and our growth. Instead of responding with confidence, we are reacting from a place of fear. 

When we do not manifest clear boundaries with others, we begin to shrink away and our confidence is impacted.

We become resentful; passive-aggressive behaviors appear; and we exacerbate our suffering. Standing firmly—what we will tolerate and what we will not accept from others—takes courage and can be realized with the greatest compassion, for both self and the other person.

Working through the fear of criticism or alienating someone (friend or family) for speaking our truth and holding our values, allows us to experience inner and outer freedom, a sense of empowerment and our confidence grows. 

As with strengthening any muscle, developing healthy boundaries with courageous confidence takes practice and requires changing old unhealthy patterns by:

  • Learning to establish, maintain and honor boundaries. This requires releasing the fear of disapproval.
  • Learning to lean into the discomfort that comes with respecting our beliefs with integrity.
  • Learning to stay the course in the face of others negative reaction to our decision to take care of ourselves.
  • Learning to hold our space without guilt and shame. 
  • Learning that we can be assertive without being aggressive.
  • Learning to love our friends and family without sacrificing love and respect for ourselves. 
  • Learning to view keeping healthy boundaries as an essential aspect of self-care.

When we are discovering a new way of being, it will come with its own set of challenges, so being gentle and non-judgmental with self is important. Laying claim to our sacred edges with confidence is our right and can be accomplished with self-assurance and grace.

Reference

Beattie, M. (1990).  The language of letting go. Daily meditations for codependents. New York, NY: HarperCollins.

Kaarin Hanzlian, MA, LMHCA - www.kaarinhanzlian.com

# Replace fear-based thinking with love-based thinking
Kristen-Brown

The most influential and frequent voice you hear is your inner voice. It can work in your favor or against you depending on what you listen to and act upon. – Maddy Malhotra

Becoming aware of our self-talk and learning to work with it to enhance our lives is the most powerful way to build confidence. Many of us don’t understand the power our self-talk holds. In fact, some might think it’s irrelevant or even stupid.  

Look at the Saturday Night Live skit with Stuart Smalley where he repeats mantras into a mirror to help build his confidence:

I’m good enough, smart enough and doggone it, people like me!

The basis of SNL is to take real life stories – truths, if you will – and turn them into satire for the entertainment of others. But no matter how much we laugh about it, it does not diminish or discount the power behind the practice.

Seven years ago I went through a horrific life event that left me anxiety ridden, depressed, frozen, and defeated. I thought for sure no man would ever want me. All I could see were my perceived flaws and failures.

In January of 2011 after discovering The Work by Byron Katie, I tried something I had never done before. 

I committed to monitoring my thoughts. If a thought was negative or caused bad feelings in my body, I would reframe it and replace it with a thought as true or truer and actually felt better to think.

Within two weeks, the anxiety and fear left my body. I could breathe! I could think clearly! I was no longer depressed! And by the end of the month, my defeated thoughts around certain topics ceased to exist.

True story – 100%!

The shift was so profound it took me a minute to believe what I was experiencing. I was in awe… Had I been my own worst enemy all this time? Have I allowed run away thoughts to lead me through life? Have I been listening to the defeating thoughts of my ego, rather than the empowering voice of my soul?

Yes, yes and yes!

Something shifted in a profound way for me that month. I knew without any doubt that we hold the power in our life. We can be, do or have anything we want if we set our minds to it.

Making the Commitment

Dalai Lama XIV said, “A disciplined mind leads to happiness, and an undisciplined mind leads to suffering.

As with any goal we wish to achieve, there is a commitment that precludes the actions to follow. Decision time is here. Are you ready to trade in your timidity for confidence? Are you ready to discipline your mind to achieve all you’ve desired? This is your life, my friend, and only you have the power to change it.

And the most wonderful part is…

Empowerment and confidence are free! The only currency we exchange is the time it takes to reframe and replace our patterned fearful thought with a new love-based one.

Here is a personal example of a thought I reframed and replaced in January 2011.

Fear-based thought: I am single and that means there is something wrong with me.

Loved-based thought: I am single because I am healing places in me that historically attracted the wrong type of mate. I would rather be single than in a bad relationship or filling a void I need to learn to fill myself. I am honoring my sacred self and my right match will come.

Can you feel the difference in energy between those two statements? The first one belittles, shames and fears where the second one is powerful, supportive and loving!

The love-based thought was definitely as true or truer than the original fearful thought and it became my ‘go to’ anytime that particular thought crept in. I felt so much better choosing higher for myself and like magic, peace and happiness replaced my suffering.

Keep Practicing!

It’s super easy to get comfortable once we have dispelled our old way of thinking because life becomes shiny again. We may think:

Everything is wonderful! I don’t need to monitor my thoughts anymore!

However, life goes on and new situations present that will ignite new fearful places in us.

Even though I was able to break free of my old fear-based pattern of thinking, new thoughts inevitably still come based on new situations that arise in my life. I now recognize when a fear-based thought has snuck past my awareness because my body and emotions reflect it.

I will go from peaceful and confident to anxious and shrinking in a nano-second. That shift in emotion is my indicator a fear-based thought has unconsciously taken hold. I then retrace my thinking back until I find the little bugger that slipped by me.

Once again, I reframe and replace.

The practice is mind and body consciousness – paying attention to our physical indicators (body) as well as our emotional indicators (mind). Once we are aware of the thought causing the upheaval, we can readily address it!

I wish I could say: spend one month on this and you’ll be free from negative thinking forever, but unfortunately, it’s not true. This is about practice not perfection.

Your commitment to reframe your fear-based thoughts will give you the empowerment and confidence your soul has been craving to be, do and experience all you have desired! It’s worked for me, a gazillion other people and it will work for you too!

And did I mention it’s FREE?!

Kristen Brown, Author and Certified Empowerment Coach – www.sweetempowerment.com

# Be authentic
Laurie-Curtis

The key to confidence, in my opinion, is unapologetically choosing authenticity.

When you accept yourself as real and genuine, you are coming from character and heart, and everything you do from there is natural, easier, and true to your inner spirit. No one else possesses the unique cluster of gifts you bring to your unique purpose in this world.

Though it is common to ask friends and relatives what you should do when you are unsure and lack confidence, it is not a good idea.

Focus on how you feel, not what others think.

Whose life do you want to live, yours or theirs? It's also common to measure success by superficial terms. Think freedom and grace, not winning or losing or how much is in your bank account. Confidence from accumulating money is not sustainable. Confidence from achieving personal independence and self-respect is going to stay with you and bolster you for future challenges.

There are a few routes to confidence, and every one of them relies on authenticity.

One key approach is mastery.

Think of a time when you were at your best and everything turned out exactly the way you wanted it to because of your insight, ability and effort.

Do you have a story in mind? What motivated you? What strengths, instincts, or other inherent gifts did you use to overcome challenges and accomplish your successful outcome? What lessons came with your success? How did it feel?Were there challenges you overcame?

In hindsight it is much easier to see how problems which appear to be happening to you are actually happening for you as they lead you to transform and grow.

• Whenever a problem appears, tell yourself that it's simply what's happening – or even, "It's here for me". Recognize that growing from challenge is necessary and a process that can be trusted to make us stronger.

• Learn your character strengths and how to best lead with them to overcome obstacles and enhance confidence. 

You can find out what strengths are your highest in about twenty minutes through a link on my website that takes you to a free survey. Your signature strengths are the way you bring your best self to the world. They come easily, energize you, and are recognized by others as the real you. Owning them helps you go deeply and confidently into yourself.

• Keep growing.

Pick something new to experience or learn that interests you. Take on additional challenges. An elastic, once stretched, never goes back to the original shape. You can start where you are, with what you have, and take baby steps if necessary.

• Give yourself permission to be human and embrace your vulnerability with self-compassion. Honor your successes, and also cast light and love on the inner parts that you still want to stretch. Give yourself permission to be amazing!

• Approach the as yet unknown with a spirit of observation rather than evaluating or judging. Tackle challenges with curiosity, not ego.

• Get into the flow mindfully and lose yourself, along with all self-consciousness, in the effort.

• Don't expect perfection. Your consciousness is expanding, and perfection is impossible.

Inspiration from observing others is another way to increase confidence.

• Surround yourself with people who stimulate and motivate you by their own success. Network and connect with others whose accomplishments you can learn from.

• If you admire someone, you can think, "What does he or she have that I can get or get fixed?"

• A mentor with a similar background can be a great way to become inspired while receiving support.

Expect success. Masaru Emoto was a Japanese author, researcher, and photographer who claimed from his experiments with photography of crystals that human consciousness has an effect on the molecular structure of water.

He stated that what we imagine in our minds becomes our world. When you critically visualize success along with the realistic, bumpy process to achieve it, you are strengthening the pathways in your brain that will take you there.

• Envision the details of the process going just as you would like, with a sense of freedom and pride.

• Think of yourself looking back at this when you're 90 years old. What path and outcome would bring your reflective self the most gratification?

Manage stress and build your emotional bank account.

Only take steps in ways that feel right and good to your soul. Take a deep breath and sense it in your heart. When it is authentic you will perceive expansion there. Positivity also broadens options and builds resources.

Check in with physical sensations, breath patterns, posture; the pleasure of the thought gives renewed energy and inspires more effective behavior. Rely on the wisdom of your heart to tell you what you want, not your mind or ego. Choose to believe in yourself from this feeling of assurance.

• Focus only on the things you want, and ignore the things you don't want until they die a natural death rather than think about or discuss them. What you think about you bring about, and what you resist persists.

• Clear your space, your mind, your diet, and make room for your energy to grow and flow.

• Accept every compliment.

• Eliminate "should" from your vocabulary. "Should" has a built in excuse that implies fear. You can swap it with could, which implies choice.

• Eliminate "but" from your vocabulary. It is often seen to negate everything you said up to that point. Experiment with substituting the word and. Be honest. Be honest. Be honest.

• Let go of a need to please anyone but yourself. Say no when you want to. Make a decision and commit without wavering

• Say yes when you want to, rather than postpone for a "better" time, like when you lose weight or have things just right somehow.

• Envision your life full of the deeper things you desire and take steps to align with them.

• Become a connector yourself. Stay open to opportunities to help others who aren't quite as far along as you are yet.

Be strong and go deep. Your authenticity and confidence will be there.

Laurie Curtis, CPPC, CiPP – www.curtisease.com

# Create a confidence anchor
Helena Hart

Confidence is the “universal attractant” – everyone finds confidence sexy!

People with a high level of confidence are naturally magnetic and intriguing. They stand out. They have a certain air about them that makes people want to get to know them.

Confident people are also comfortable in their own skin – they have a sense of ease about them which is very appealing.

You won’t find confident people trying to be something they’re not. They tend to not play games – they know they don’t need to manipulate a situation in order to get what they want.

Some people are afraid to be too confident because they don’t want to come across as cocky, but confidence and cockiness are very different – and people can FEEL the difference in your vibe.

People with a high level of cockiness are boastful and have to draw attention to themselves because of insecurities. Cockiness is actually a symptom of a LACK of confidence.

Real confidence is quiet and calm. People who are truly confident don’t NEED that constant attention and validation. This is the kind of confidence that you can incrementally build up over time.

If you want to feel more confident and attractive, it’s helpful to install an “anchor” for confidence. This is a Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique.

The idea behind a confidence anchor is that you can create a resource within yourself that you can tap into whenever you need to feel more confident.

You can access this confidence anchor anytime, although it’s important to note that you don’t want to install the anchor when you’re driving or doing something that requires your full attention.

Here’s how to create a confidence anchor that will boost your attractiveness:

1. Close your eyes and think of a time in your life when you were feeling very confident.

Remember a time when you felt great about yourself – not a time when you were boastful, but a time when you felt that calm sense that everything about you and your life was fantastic. That’s what real confidence feels like!

It doesn’t have to be a lofty or a huge accomplishment – it can be something as simple as a time when you helped someone out or completed a project and it felt really good.

2. See if you can ramp that feeling up – whatever level it’s at, try to magnify it and increase that feeling in your body as much as possible.

Engage all of your senses. Make the visual sights more crisp and clear in your mind. If you’re able to hear that memory, make the sounds more distinct. If you can taste it, taste it with perfect clarity. If there’s something to feel, feel it as intensely as you can.

3. Touch the tip of your right index finger to the tip of your right thumb – and say the word “confidence” out loud.

What you’ve done is installed a resource anchor for confidence, so any time you need a boost of confidence, all you have to do is touch those fingers together and say or think “confidence” – and immediately it will act as a bridge to that time in your life and give you that feeling of confidence right now in the present moment.

You now have that resource available for you to access. It may sound simple, but shifting your vibe can happen in an instant! You may need repeated exposure to it, but big shifts can happen in a split second once you learn to access this tool.

Anchors work the same way as songs do on the radio. When you hear a song from a certain time in your life, it brings you back to that moment.

You can use this technique to install anchors for anything – try it for things like creativity and motivation. I’d love to hear about how this goes for you!

Helena Hart, M.A. - www.helenahartcoaching.com

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How To Get Out of Your Own Way and Start Living the Life You Want – 6 Experts Reveal Stunningly Effective Strategies

How To Be Assertive: 3 Experts Reveal Secrets To Being Assertive Without Being Rude, Mean or Aggressive

4 Standout Ways To Start Living An Authentic Life

Here’s How a Bizarre, Counterintuitive Video About NOT Knowing the Meaning of Life Can Actually Help You Give Meaning and Purpose

Here’s the Key To Transforming Any Area of Your Life and Why So Many of Us Fail

Why Positive Thinking Can Make You Less Likely To Achieve Your Goals and What To Do Instead

What a 75+ Year Old Harvard Study Reveals About What Makes People Happy and Healthy [Hint: It’s Not Money, Fame or Power]

How To Overcome Bitterness in Life – 2 Extraordinarily Powerful Strategies Revealed

Here are 10 Profound & Insightful Quotes From Russ Harris

Here are 10 Deep + Brilliant Quotes From Tara Brach

Here are 10 Profound & Insightful Quotes From Kelly McGonigal

Here are 10 Profoundly Inspiring Quotes From Byron Katie

What Being a Dad Taught Me About Self-Love, Compassion and Acceptance

How To Build and Maintain New Habits: 2 Authors Share Powerful Insights on Creating Long-Lasting Habits

How To Overcome Obstacles: 3 Brilliant Ways To Meet Obstacles as Opportunities For Growth and Greater Good

2 Authors Reveal the Must-Know Keys To Make a Successful Change and Transform Your Life

How Reframing Your Negative Beliefs Can Radically Help You Think Your Way Out of Social Anxiety

How To Shift Your Mindset and Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs [Powerful Exercises Revealed Inside]

How To Take Tiny Steps and Successfully Make Small Changes [Even When You Feel They are NOT Worth the Time and Effort]

I Struggled With a Weird + Bad Habit, But Didn’t Realize It Was Common Among Others – (Say Hello To ‘What-the-Hell Effect’)

Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong – [Why Social Bonding + Connections are Vital To Overcome Addiction]

Approach Motivation vs Avoidance Motivation: Why the 2 Approaches Have a Significant Difference on Our Experiences + Behavior

How To Master Your Emotions + Regulate Your Behavior Through ‘Recategorization’

Why Taking Action [Big or Small] is Key To Building a Habit (That Actually Lasts)

Why Your Thoughts + Beliefs + Actions Have a Greater Impact on Your Happiness Than Circumstances

Why You Shouldn’t Suppress ‘Difficult Emotions’ and How To Befriend Them Instead

Mind Mastery Lab

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